Rhapsody
February 21st, 2003, 01:38 PM
After thinking about the different issues that I had to deal with while being extremely overweight, as well as the issues that I am dealing with as I am losing my weight I have decided that I’d like to put it into a success story so that maybe my experience can help some one else who is struggling with some of the same issues regarding their weigh loss. I will warn you in advance that this will be a very long read…I am going to put my heartfelt feelings down and hold nothing back in the hopes that I can motivate someone else. I did not really gain my weight until after I had my daughter, actually it was when she was around three that I really started to pack on the pounds. When I was really young I was chubby as a child. My parents had both experienced a weight problem in their life, my father had been over 300 and both of my parents had lost their weight. They were extremely self-conscious and were always obsessed about their weight. My mother was bulemic and I remember catching her numerous times in the act. Unfortunately, because of this my parents came down hard on me about my weight, and made my weight issue the center of my life. I believed that I would not be successful, and would never be loved or have a family if I was not perfectly skinny. When I was 9 years old my parents put me on a diet…I was allowed a half a tomato sandwich for lunch, and egg beaters for dinner. I lost the weight at the cost of developing issues concerning my self esteem. I kept the weight off through out highschool. My normal weight was 160…although my parents made me believe I was morbidly obese. After being at my highest I realize now that I was not overweight when I was younger. After I had my daughter my weight was normally around 180-190, until she was 3-4, then my weight went from a high of 225 to its all time highest of 258.5 pounds in the summer of 2002. The more weight I would gain, the more I would hate myself! I believed that I was a failure. If I got treated wrong in my life I felt that I deserved it because I was fat. :( The ironic thing is that the more depressed I was over my weight the more I would gain. I had tried every diet that possibly existed. At one time I even tried to make myself throw up as a desperate attempt to lose weight. I would starve myself and not eat for days, and then when the hunger overcame me I would binge and then feel guilty about eating and give up. I really believed that I would never lose the weight. My weight made me depressed, unhappy with myself and unhappy with my life. Whenever I was asked to go somewhere I would always say that I didn’t want to go when I really did! I did not want to go anywhere because I always thought in the back of my mind that someone was thinking about how fat I was. I would spend days in advance trying on clothes so that I could wear whatever one made me look “less fat”, or hid the fat well. I used to love the summer time….when I gained my weight it quickly became the season I hated. I would never go swimming, and if for some reason someone convinced me to I would have a baggy t-shirt over top of me. I didn’t want to go to amusement parks which used to be one of my favorite things! I didn’t want to go because I was afraid I’d be too big for the seats. :rolleyes: Everything that I did, no matter what it was had been influenced by my weight. In the back of my mind I was always thinking about it! I had tried numerous times at different diets without success. The reason that I didn’t succeed is because I was doing it for someone else. I didn’t love myself anymore – I hated myself and the way I looked. I wanted to lose weight because of a comment that was said, or for another reason. Once I realized that I was a good person, even though I was overweight and that I was not truly living my life did I want to take control. I wanted my life back. I was tired of not going places or doing things because of my weight. I was tired of being depressed, or crying because I was fat. I hated looking in the mirror at myself…I would avoid them at all costs. I used to love being in pictures…I had became the picture taker. In all the photo albums until my daughter was 2 or 3 I was in pictures….from then on did you rarely ever see me in a picture. I would look through the pictures I got developed so I could take out the ones where I looked too fat so no one would see. I wanted my life back. I wanted to be happy. I had wasted all of my 20’s so far….I was determined to live my life again. I started to love myself. If I was not happy with myself then how could I make others around me happy. Its true what they say, “misery loves company”. I had became a depressed person that I did not like. Once I decided that I wanted to live life again, and that I loved myself and was worth the effort did my weightloss journey truly begin. I didn’t want to tell anyone in the beginning that I was on a diet because I knew that they would think “here we go again”, or “not again” or a similar comment. I don’t even think that I truly believed in the beginning that I would succeed….but I was determined to give it my all. I ended up picking up my birthday pictures at the end of September 2002. When I saw the picture I did not even recognize myself! (This same picture is in the link in my signature). I cried my eyes out over what I did to myself. I had had enough. I started my diet or as I’d rather call it my lifestyle change on October 1st. I got sick with a cold and had to go to my doctor and while I was there I ended up asking him for phentermine. That first week I think I ended up cheating 2 or 3 times…and I was having the old fear in the back of my mind saying that I was going to fail at this once again. I was scared of taking phentermine in the beginning…you hear so many horror stories about diet drugs. After doing my own research I decided that I had more to risk by not taking something to help me then by not taking it. My weight was out of control. I would eventually have ended up with diabetes, high blood pressure, a heart attack or some other weight related issue. I knew when I took the phentermine that I would succeed this time. It is not a miracle drug, but it is a great tool which helped me. It controlled my appetite and my growling stomach was what always made me break a diet in the past and then give up. Phentermine helped give me the willpower that I needed in the beginning. With the phentermine it helped control any cravings for certain food, and in the beginning it gave me that extra boost that I needed. I really feel that it has been such a help. I began to eat healthier and to drink my water. I cut out all fast food and junk food. I never thought that I would enjoy excercising. I dreaded the word! Eventually I realized that if I was really going to succeed that I would have to work hard and exercise and eat healthy to succeed. I had made excuses in the past…”I don’t have the time” etc. You can always make the time! I had spent all my time taking care of others, my husband, my child, work etc. I was worth and hour a day to myself. I had to take care of myself first…otherwise how could I take care of them. I began getting up between 4:30am and 5:00 am to go exercise at the gym before going to work. In the beginning I just did the bike, at the easiest level for ten minutes. Now I do 25 minutes of working out with weights, with 30 minutes at level 5 on the bike five or six times a week! I now enjoy exercise and feel so much better! I would have thought h e-l-l would have frozen over before that happened! You have to believe in yourself and want this for yourself. I got tired so easily, my back always hurt and I had no energy. I remember after my first workout of 10 minutes I couldn’t feel my butt or legs on the walk home! I would collapse for 15 minutes on the couch when I walked in the door with the fan blowing on me. Now I come home, hop in the shower and start my day! Exercise has made my body become tone and has built confidence in myself. Taking the phentermine was a tool that helped me learn how to eat right, which in turn gave me confidence that I would succeed, which that made me want to exercise to succeed. It is now five months later….next week is March 1st. Today is February 21, 2003 and I weighed in at 175.5 lbs. I am not there yet…My goal is to get to 135-140 lbs. I have no doubt in my mind that I won’t reach it. I love myself too much! If I fall off the wagon one day I don’t say “oh well-I can’t do this…I’m just going to fail”. Who cares if you ate cheesecake one day? Start over the next day. I didn’t gain all my weight by eating unhealthy for a day or two. In order to succeed at your weight loss effort you have to want it more than anything else…I mean really want it from the bottom of your heart, and you need to be doing it for yourself and not for anyone else. Hard work and determination will get you there. You need to eat healthy, drink your water, and exercise. Remember that phentermine is a tool…it is there to help you but it won’t do the work for you. Above all else – Believe in yourself! You can do this! Becoming healthier has been the best thing that I have ever done for myself…I have more energy, I feel great, I am getting my self-esteem back, and I am getting my life back. I hope that by my sharing my success story that I’ve helped someone to believe in themselves more….whatever you do, don’t give up. You can do this, and you are worth it! :)
[ February 21, 2003, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: Rhapsody ]
[ February 21, 2003, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: Rhapsody ]